THE WIZARD OF OZ
by morgy
Summary: all we want to do is bag out HP so if you do too, then you will enjoy this story- Australia- Yay!, NOTE:WE ARE AUSTRALIAN!
1. Exchange? What's that?

THE WIZARD OF OZ (hehe, funny.....)  
  
This is a bit of a joke.. (like our other stories).. Neway, because we are from Oz, we all wondered if Harry and his friends could survive in the harsh Australian land with its sunburn and lazy, rude dinkum Aussies!  
  
NOTE: DO NOT JUDGE ALL AUSTRALIANS BY THESE CHARACTERS! We are not that bad..really..  
  
  
  
"Exchange? What's that? Is that where you get a present from someone and give them one back??" Harry was confused when McGonagall mentioned student exchange.  
  
"Yes Potter, that's exactly it. 10 points for Gryffindor! Now, who would like to go on exchange?"  
  
Everybody's hand shot up, including Hermione's. When everyone saw that, all hands went back down. Harry and Ron were too slow so,  
  
"Granger, Weasley and Potter. Perfect. You'll be going to Australia," said McGonagall.  
  
"Damn!" said Harry and Ron.  
  
"10 points from Gryffindor! How rude!" McGonagall shouted.  
  
* * * * * *  
  
10 DAYS LATER, ON THE WAY.  
  
"I know all about Australian's. They're really nice and polite. I read that in 'Hogwarts:A History'," Hermione boasted.  
  
"Please be quiet," said Harry politely.  
  
* * * * * *  
  
ARRIVAL  
  
"The heat! The heat! I'm melting!!" Harry, Ron and Hermione were dripping sweat.  
  
"G'day mate!!" patted Harry, Ron and Hermione on the back, making them stumble. "I'm STEVE IRWIN, yer Care o' Magical Creatures teacha! We betta get goin'! Wher are ya spades, eh? Crikey!!"  
  
"Spades, er...we have um...broomsticks..." replied Ron.  
  
"Oh..sorry, mistake! Though' ya were tha students!! Ya mus' be tha cleaners, eh??"  
  
"We are the STUDENTS!!" bellowed Harry as he was startled by the man in a bubble who appeared behind Steve Irwin.  
  
"AAAAAARGH!! IT'S VOLDEMORT!!"  
  
"Voldie, please," rasped Voldie.  
  
"AAAAAARGH!! IT'S VOLDIE!!"  
  
"What da heck is goin' awn??" yelled Steve.  
  
"Hello, my name is Voldie. I want revenge upon Harry Potter. He is an evil little boy."  
  
"Ahh, Harry mate, wat did ya do ta annoy this poor old bloke, eh? Crikey! And Voldie mate, ya look like ya need a good BEEEAR!! How 'bout we go down to tha pub?"  
  
"Avada Kedavra!!" Voldie rasped. A dust cloud rose.  
  
*cough* *cough* "What???!!!! Abra Kadabra?? Crikey! Are you sum kinda weirdo or summin? Eh?" Steve yelled.  
  
Voldie lay in the dirt, groaning.  
  
"Poor old bugga, ahh.anyway, here's wat we call tha shack- but it's reel name is um..  
  
AROOKANG SCHOOL OF MAGIC!!" 


	2. Arookang school of magic

PLEASE NOTE: WE ARE AUSTRALIAN SO WE ARE NOT BEING RACIST BUT ARE ACTUALLY MAKE FUN OF THE STEREOTYPICAL AUSTRALIAN IMAGE.  
  
And we never said that Steve Irwin wasn't annoying or anything- we understand your pain...we just used him because he is AUSTRALIAN.  
  
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Hermione sneered, "That's a school? It could not fit more than a few people in it. What a stupid hole."  
  
"Yeh, well, ya say that now, wai' till ya take a loo' inside!"  
  
Inside the shack was a huge hall surrounded by rock walls, decorated with gumnuts and gumleaves. Rock-tunnels branched off from the hall, leading to other, smaller caves.  
  
"Wow! It's magical! They used a spell to make the outside of the shack look smaller than it is on the inside!" Hermione was excited and began to investigate the cave.  
  
Harry and Ron looked at the students in awe. "Where are the cloaks? Why are they showing off their LEGS!!!!!! It's shameful. This isn't how wizards should act!!! Who's that?"  
  
A tall man in bonds singlet, khaki shorts, thongs and cork hat appeared.  
  
"I AM THE GREAT AND POWERFUL WIZARD OF OZ!!! BOW DOWN TO ME!" All of the students bowed down except for Harry, Ron and Hermione who just laughed.  
  
"WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING??!!"  
  
"The great wizard of Oz?! Like we're off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Oz!!" Harry sang in a soprano voice.  
  
"FUCKING BOW DOWN YOU ARSEHOLES!!!!!!"  
  
"Damn you stupid wizard!" Harry squeaked in a small voice.  
  
"HAHAHAHAHA!! WHAT FUCKING LOSERS!!" The wizard of Oz waved a stick with a leaf on it and Harry disappeared. Ron and Hermione looked shocked.  
  
"DON'T WORRY, NOONE WILL MISS THAT MOTHERFUCKER ANYWAY!!! WELCOME!!" The wizard of Oz boomed.  
  
"What..What about Harry?" Hermione stammered.  
  
"OH WHAT THE FUCK!!!" He waved his stick and Harry reappeared.  
  
Hermione was shocked. "I.I will. I will tell DUMBLEDORE!!" she shouted.  
  
"HAHAHAHAHA! WHO THE FUCK IS DUMB DOOR??!!!"  
  
Steve Irwin jumped in, "Crikey mates, I haven't seen such bad tempers since I had ta figh' a wild kangaroo!! He was a bugga of one! Anyway mates, I'll be ya guide for taday!!"  
  
Steve led them down one of the stone tunnels. "Here's ya mat n' sleeping bags for a good ol' Auzzie trip. Ya got nice, clean ones since you guys are new ta Oz." Harry looked at the brown, dirty, old sleeping bag and cringed. "These are clean?"  
  
"Yep, washed 'em meself in tha dam!"  
  
"An honor truly.." Ron said in a strangled voice. 


	3. The Sortin' Hat

Harry, Hermione, Ron and Steve Irwin walked into a large cave.

"You'll hav' ta be put innna a house- yous'll be sorted, as I thin' ya poms put it. This is tha 'sortin' hat'" Steve Irwin said sarcastically. Harry, Ron and Hermione looked around for a witch's hat but could only see a scrappy cork hat on the floor. Steve Irwin picked it up reverently. 

"This is tha sortin' hat," he said in a hushed voice, "yous'll be pu' inna one of tha four houses-" at this he pointed towards the far wall where a piece of bark had been stuck to the wall. On it were the four houses and their descriptions scrawled with charcoal. 

STEAK: These students are tough, rare and meaty. Since they are such a small group, they consider themselves the coolest. They like to watch TV.

ROCK: These students are hard and cold, lazy and stoned. This is the more relaxed house and therefore the largest. They like to watch TV. They don't like sport. 

HEAVIER ROCK: These students are so stoned it has damaged their brains. They can't do anything apart from watch TV and eat.  

GUMNUT: These are the small and insignificant. 

Steve Irwin pointed to where they were reading. "Um…yeh, we don' actually 'ave anyone in tha' hous'. I though' we shoul' stick ya in Gumnu'- yall feel ya belong ther'- I know ya will. Now 'ave a li'le cha' wit tha sortin' hat." 

And he placed the cork hat in front of Harry. 

"Um……hello," said Harry uncertainly. 

"Ok, good. Now we'll jus' put I' back in its box." Steve carefully put it back. 

"But-What? I thought it was supposed to sort us into houses?"  

"Wat? Weev alreddy dun dat' four ya! The sortin' hat is jus' a hat- crickey- wat else it sposed to do-eh? It jus' sits there- yeh mate, ya askin' reel strange questions- pr'ps I'll put ya on me program- sum speshal weirdo person, eh?"

"Um…. No thanks….."

Next chapter: More about Voldie's Australian spirit uncovered. Oh…..and scrape. 


End file.
